YMUG Newsletter – 2016/02/27
Tony Crockford: email@example.com
Chris Brady: firstname.lastname@example.org
with help from: Anzir Boodoo and Tim Pinder. Thanks also to Ian Thomas, Martin Pickering and Brendan Rowland who send me items of interest.
Items for the newsletter, reviews, rants, raves, revelations and reflections to: Jerad Zimmermann, your back-in-sandals news-hound: email@example.com
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Sometime this week I’m going to have a chat with my spouse and pick a day during the school two week Easter break for a YMUG meeting at Sprotborough. Some date NOT April 2nd. I haven’t had a chance to really consider things this week owing to my wife being away a lot. Anyway, plenty of time eh? AND I still haven’t done that. Sorry. I’ll get ‘round to it soon.
Oh, by the way, Robert Thomson (RHT@rht.at) says if anyone near Beverley would like help getting to the meeting let him know. I haven’t decided if I’ll be driving or training . . . riding the train. Travelling by train? Whatever.
APPLE V FBI
Here’s a scattershot of articles relating to the ongoing spat between Apple and the G-men.
The FBI explains why it reset the iCloud password on the terrorist’s iPhone.
The Director of the FBI says they’re not trying to set a precedence.
Oh but then he said it would. I’m so confused.
It appears that the Department of Justice is interested in at least 12 other iPhones.
Apple CEO Tim Cook sent an email to Apple employees explaining the company stance.
Apple is asking: why should we spend time and effort circumventing the systems we built to protect our customers?
John McAfee says he can unlock the iPhone in question and will do it for free. He’s running for US President with the Libertarian Party.
I wonder if he’s thinking of a technique called ‘decapping’.
Turns out that Apple HAS helped authorities get access to locked phones before . . . about 70 times. But only on phones running iOS 7 or older.
Here’s a rough timeline of the aid Apple did provide to the police force after the attacks.
Here’s Apple’s own FAQ on the controversy wherein they say they say they won’t hack iOS 8 or later.
And is anyone surprised that Apple will make its new systems even harder to break? Someday your iPhone may be illegal. Yeah!!
Meanwhile, in Arizona, one county has decided that its employees will not be allowed iPhones because Apple supports terrorism. Sigh.
Okay, that enough of that. Trawling through a week’s worth of blog posts about it is making me yearn for G&T time. (glances at clock . . . )
OS X AND MAC STUFF
Question of the week: do any of you use Safari extensions? I haven’t . . . yet. If you’ve got some favourites let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Like it says: how to change the text size of Finder ‘fonts’.
You should be able to preview a hyperlink using a three-fingered trackpad tap but I couldn’t get it to work. I may have turned off some ‘gestures’ though. I scroll and pinch and that’s about it.
How to Rebuild mailboxes in Mail and why you might want to. Well . . . want to is probably not quite right. Need to? Yeah, that’s more better.
Here’s some suggestions for System Preferences settings. Not sure I agree with all of them but YMMV. You can look that up if you don’t know what it means. heh heh heh.
If you need a quick and easy photo editor then PhotoScissors might be for you.
Bookmark this: what to do if your iPhone is disabled, permanently or otherwise.
A good guide for using password managers on your iDevice.
MasterCard is offering three more fare free Mondays on the London Underground for its Apple Pay users.
I really do need to remember how to download Google maps to my iPhone.
You know how Mail tries to be really helpful and ‘suggests’ email addresses you might be thinking of when you start typing one? And sometimes/frequently it gets it wrong or it suggests addresses you’d rather not have in your remembered list? Well, here’s how to cull your suggestions.
If you’re really fed up with iOS Mail you might give Spark a try. It’s free as in beer, as opposed to free as in speech.
If you do give Spark a try then you might find some of these suggestions/tips helpful.
It was eighteen years ago that Apple discontinued the Newton personal assistant. I did like those. You’ve gotta to see it now as a precursor to iDevices and smartphones. There’s one for sale on ebay . . .
WWW = WEIRD, WONDERFUL AND WHY
You really do want to look at these winners of the World Press Photo Contest. Some are terribly haunting though
If I wasn’t an Apple fan-boy I would definitely want one of the new Samsung Galaxy S7 phones. Shiny, shiny, pretty!!
Has Apple ever made something that was badly designed? Do you want to know someone else’s opinion on that and read 20+ follow on comments? (I do agree that putting the charging port on the bottom of the Magic Mouse 2 was a horrible idea.)
Did you know you can pay for a service that will provide you with a fake boyfriend or girlfriend who will text you?
I rather enjoyed bits of this quora thread discussing things Americans should refrain from doing while visiting England.
Maybe this really is a harbinger of the end of times: someone bought a pair of Steve Jobs’ old sandals.
And his old Seiko watch sold for $42,500. Crazy.
If you’ve got some time on your hands you might want to make a handbag that looks like the Millennium Falcon. Or not. I’m just trying to help.
Don’t try this at home: a prisoner with a verboten smart phone managed to keep it in his rectum for 12 days. They knew he had it because he was updating his facebook page.
February 27th is the 58th day of the year and is International Polar Bear Day. If you see one don’t give it a hug.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to: Constantine the Great (b 272, d 337), Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (b 1807, d 1882), Marian Anderson, a fabulous singer (b 1897, d 1993), John Steinbeck (b 1902, d 1968), the lovely Joan Bennett (b 1910, d 1990), Lawrence Durrell (b 1912, d 1990), John Connally who was shot along with JFK in 1963 (b 1917, d 1993), Joanne Woodward (b 1930), Elizabeth Taylor (b 1932, d 2011), Ralph Nader (b 1934), Paddy Ashdown (b 1941), Steve Harley of Cockney Rebel (b 1951), Timothy Spall (b 1957), Derren Brown (b 1971), Kate Mara (b 1983).
Rest in peace these folks who died on February 27th: Louis Vuitton (b 1821, d 1892), ‘Breaker’ Morant (b 1864, d 1902), the marvellous Joan Greenwood (b 1921, d 1987), Konrad Lorenz (b 1903, d 1989), Lillian Gish (b 1893, d 1993), Spike Milligan (b 1918, d 2002), Linda Smith (b 1958, d 2006), Leonard Nimoy (b 1931, d 2015).
Some notable events that took place on February 27th: Lord Byron addresses the House of Lords in support of Luddite violence (1812), the British Labour Party is founded (1900), ‘Breaker’ Morant is executed for war crimes (1902), the Reichstag is set on fire (1933), carbon-14 is discovered (1940), Wounded Knee, South Dakota is occupied by the American Indian Movement (1973), President George HW Bush declares that “Kuwait is liberated” (1991).
Chris Hollingshead was driving home on Britain’s Isle of Wight early in the morning when he had to stop: a model triceratops known as Godshilla was blocking his way. Hollingshead took a photo, and it went viral online. “It’s great people are talking about it,” said Godshilla’s owner, Martin Simpson, who sells fossils, “but I wouldn’t want to encourage anybody to cause a hazard for traffic.” How did the dinosaur get into the road? “It takes about five blokes to move the dinosaur a couple of inches,” said Simpson, “so it was definitely a concerted effort and drink was probably involved.” Three (presumably sober) road employees got the dinosaur off the pavement and back into Simpson’s garden. Simpson says he plans to paint Godshilla. “We will then have a fence up, so this can’t happen again.” (AC/BBC, Isle of Wight County Press)
Shawna Cox, 59, was indicted with 15 others for the occupation of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Harney County, Ore. Cox filed a countersuit against the federal government, seeking “damages from the works of the devil in excess of $666,666,666,666.66, six hundred sixty six billion, six hundred sixty six million, six hundred sixty six thousand, six hundred sixty six dollars and sixty six cents.” In the filing, Cox claims she “came to the assistance of economically vulnerable individuals who were being harassed, threatened, intimidated, persecuted and incarcerated by arrogant, narcissi [sic] Federal Government officials who have organised together to highjack [sic] and steal our Constitutional form of government from the people of the United States of America.” The lawsuit, however, was filed in criminal court, and the judge isn’t recognising it because lawsuits are civil matters. (MS/KOIN Portland)
Royal National Lifeboat crews were scrambled after reports of a face-down body in the water off Newquay, Cornwall, England. About 40 rescuers combed the water by boat and by air. “It was good information from a reliable source known to us and he was quite certain that it wasn’t a seal or anything like that,” said operations manager Gareth Horner. “The 999 caller gave accurate information which led to a successful search and a positive outcome.” Sort-of, anyway: the body they recovered was a fully dressed inflatable sex doll. “We would hope it got into the sea accidentally,” Horner noted. Last year, Newquay announced a “zero tolerance ban on sex dolls,” and that may be behind the event. “Everyone knows they have banned inflatable dolls in Newquay,” one observer noted, “so maybe the authorities spotted a stag party with one and they tried to quickly hide the evidence by throwing it into the harbour.” Rescue crews threw the recovered doll into the trash. (RC/BBC)
“I’m always audited by the IRS…Maybe because of the fact that I’m a strong Christian and I feel strongly about it, so maybe there’s a bias.”
— Donald Trump
“They lied! They said there were weapons of mass destruction. There were none, and they knew there were none.”
— Trump, on Bush Administration, during the South Carolina debate
“[Bush] could have lied. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. I guess you have to ask him.”
— Trump, a few days later
“Is it torture or not? It’s so borderline. It’s like minimal, minimal, minimal torture.”
— Donald Trump on waterboarding
“I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world. It is a dangerous world out there. It’s scary, like Vietnam. Sort of like the Vietnam era. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave soldier.”
— Donald Trump, talking about STDs with Howard Stern in 1997
As a rule, I usually avoid these “please add your name to show support” appeals, BUT this one is very important.
It has been circulating for months and has been sent to over 20 million people. Please keep it going! To show your support for Jeremy Corbyn, just go to the end of the list and add your name.
1. Mrs. Corbyn. 2.
Dating Ads From Seniors
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious, blue-haired beauty, 80s, slim, 5’4” (used to be 5’ 6”), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga, and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
BEATLES OR STONES: I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn’t in running condition, but walks well.
How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?
By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
Why doesn’t Melania Trump want to be the first lady?
Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
When Donald Trump died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. Trump called the undertaker aside for a private little talk.
“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. Our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. Trump,” comforted the under- taker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”
Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving Donald’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. Trump offered the undertaker an extra thousand dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker. “What’s a few nails?”
(Finally too many very un-PC your mama so fat jokes. Hey, if you guys don’t send me stuff I have to go and find it. There were literally hundreds more on the website I found these. And lots of other categories of ‘yo mama’ jokes. Actually some of these are kind of clever. Kind of.)
Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.
Yo momma so fat she sued Xbox 360 for guessing her weight
Yo mama so fat that she don’t need the internet she’s already world wide
Yo mama so fat that I ran out of gas trying to drive around her.
Yo mama so fat that she gave Dracula diabetes
Yo mama so fat, when she twerk, she became a wrecking ball.
Yo mama so fat she’s on both sides of the family
Yo mama so fat, every time she walks she does the harlem shake
Yo mama so fat she has mass whether the Higgs Boson exists or not.
Yo mama so fat all she wanted for christmas is to see her feet
Yo mama so fat she went to MacDonalds tripped over Burger King and landed on Wendy’s!
Yo mama so fat that when she fell down the stairs, I wasn’t laughing but the stairs were cracking up.
Yo mama so fat she has two watches one for each time zone she’s in.
Yo mama so fat that when she took a selfie, Instagram crashed.
Yo mamas so fat when she stepped on the scale, the doctor said “Hey, that’s my phone number”
Yo mama so greasy and fat she uses bacon as a bandaid
Yo mama so fat she ate a whole Pizza….Hut.
Yo mama so fat that even Dora couldn’t explore her
Yo mama so fat that when she wore a blue dress everybody thought that the “sky was falling”
Yo mama so fat that her Polo shirt had a real horse on it.
Yo mama so fat she uses Google Earth to take a selfie.
Yo mama so fat her job with Hostess is why they went out of business
Yo mama so fat her blood type is Nutella.
Yo mama so fat she went to a restaurant and got the group discount
Yo mama so fat her idea of dieting is deleting the cookies from the internet cache.
Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through
Yo mama so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo mama so fat that when she wears a orange jumpsuit and walks up the hill, people think the sun is rising
Yo mama is so fat she sat on Walmart and lowered the prices
Yo mama so fat she blocks the WiFi signal
Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and Greenpeace tried to push her back in the water
Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
Yo momma so fat, she gets confronted every time she drinks or smokes because everyone thinks she’s pregnant.
Yo mama so fat the government shut her down along with the rest of the national parks.
Yo mama is so fat when she bent over and showed her crack the grand canyon said “DAMMMMMMMMMMN”
Yo mama so fat they found carmen san diego in between one of her chins
Yo momma so fat, she curves space and time.
Please pause for a minute in memory of Douglas Slocombe, a brilliant cinematographer who died this week. From Kind Hearts and Coronets to Indiana Jones, he was fantastic.