YMUG Newsletter – 2015/05/15 Is it Spring yet?
Tony Crockford: firstname.lastname@example.org
Chris Brady: email@example.com
with help from: Anzir Boodoo and Tim Pinder. Thanks also to Ian Thomas and Martin Pickering who send me items of interest
Items for the newsletter, reviews, rants, raves and reflections to: Jerad Zimmermann, your participatory social mores editor who’s wondering when real Spring is coming . . . : firstname.lastname@example.org
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HELP SOMEONE IN NEED
Peter James (email@example.com) sent me the following:
I have an elderly friend living in Richmond, Yorkshire in need of help. He’s 85 years of age and his iMac is giving him trouble.
His name is Alan Menzies and his telephone number is: 01748 823453
OS X AND MAC STUFF
A good article explaining how to find the geographic location information of a photo. IF the photo was taken with a camera or phone with GPS turned on.
This article suggests three free apps that will test your hard drive access speed, your graphics card and your overall performance. Useful if you’re thinking of upgrading.
I just downloaded all three of them. It’s true that they are all ‘free’ but some of the ‘free’ versions are limited and they definitely want you to upgrade. I just ran Geekbench . . . it’s pretty technical. I’ll have to learn how to interpret the results.
If you use Google Chrome as your browser and you’ve installed some extensions that were not on the Chrome Web Store then you might be losing some of them.
In case you’ve forgotten how to turn off spell checking in Mail.
Sounds like MacKeeper has a serious security flaw. Are any of you using it?
Filemaker is 30 years old and has a new version.
I didn’t realise the BBC had subscription iPlayer options for people not living in the UK. ‘Had’ being the operant term; they’re going to shut that option down.
Oh dear, apparently it’s really easy to reset a stolen Apple Watch and link it to your iPhone.
And it sounds like some Starbuck’s app users are losing money to scammers.
While most of us dislike devices taking over our lives there are things your iPhone can actually help you with: reading things out loud, location reminders, finding the closest Starbucks . . .
WWW = WEIRD, WONDERFUL AND WHY
My opinion: we really do not need drones that will follow you taking pictures. We don’t.
Yes, the governor of Texas really did think President Obama was going to try and put Texas under martial law. I thought it was just a joke.
And then there’s Jeb Bush who thinks an Apple Watch is better for you than Obama-care. Is he going to be running for president?
Some things are better now for sure. Way back in 1989 a 20MB drive cost $549. It’s amazing computers ever caught on in the home with prices like that!!
Some guy in Hinckley, Leicestershire, is selling a flat that looks like the set of Star Trek Voyager. Funny thing, I’m not even tempted.
The Archdiocese of San Francisco will be accepting church donations via iPhone.
Also in San Francisco: an apartment that’s a giant Faraday cage. To keep out those negative waves man.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to: L Frank Baum, author of the Oz books which are much, much weirder than the Harry Potter novels (b 1856, d 1919), Pierre Curie (b 1859, d 1906), Frank Hornby (b 1863, d 1936), Richard Daley, infamous Mayor of Chicago (b 1902, d 1976), Joseph Cotton (b 1905, d 1994), Abraham Zapruder (b 1905, d 1970), James Mason (b 1909, d 1984), Jasper Johns (b 1930), Wavy Gravy (b 1936 . . . I can’t explain this guy, either you ‘know’ or you don’t), Ralph Steadman (b 1936), Madeleine Albright (b 1937), Aly Bain, fiddler extraordinaire (b 1946), Brian Eno (b 1948), Mike Oldfield (b 1953), Greg Wise (b 1960), Sophie Raworth (b 1968, sometimes the best part about the news), Danny Alexander (b 1972), Zara Phillips (b 1981), Andy Murray (b 1987).
Rest in peace these folks who died on May 15th: Emily Dickinson (b 1830, d 1886), TH White (b 1915, d 1986), Ronald Lacey (b 1935, d 1991), June Carter Cash (b 1929, d 2003), Jerry Falwell (b 1933, d 2007).
Some notable (by my standards) events that took place on May 15th: Anne Boleyn stands trial for treason, adultery and incest (1536), Mary Queen of Scots marries her fourth husband (1567), the Treaty of Westphalia is signed . . . I wonder how that worked out then? (1648), King George III survives an assassination attempt (1800), the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden opens (1858), Las Vegas, Nevada, is founded (1905), Mickey Mouse debuts in Plane Crazy (1928), McDonald’s opens its first restaurant (1940), Alabama Governor George Wallace is shot (1972, I remember this vividly), California becomes the second US State to legalise same-sex marriage (2008).
May 15th is the 135th day of the year and Peace Officers Memorial Day in the US.
Fox News’ Megyn Kelly: “Knowing what we now know, would you have authorized the invasion [of Iraq]?”
Jeb Bush: “I would have.”
“We welcome war with the U.S. as we do believe that it will be the scene for our success to display the real potentials of our power. We have prepared ourselves for the most dangerous scenarios and this is no big deal.” — Iran Brigadier General Hossein Salami
“Carbon dating, all these things, really doesn’t mean anything to a God who has the ability to create anything at any point in time.” — Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson, discussing his rejection of evolution theory
The public library in Toronto, Ont., Canada, revealed the list of books that it was asked to remove from its collection last year included the 1963 Dr. Seuss tale, Hop on Pop. “The complaint was that it was violent and encouraged children to be violent with their fathers,” says Vickery Bowles, Toronto Public Library’s Director of Collections Management. And not just removed: the patron also asked for a public apology to “Greater Toronto Area fathers” and payment of reparations. (The offending language: “HOP POP We like to hop. We like to hop on top of Pop. STOP You must not hop on Pop.”) The library said the request was “surprising,” but they took it “very seriously” just as it does every such complaint — but declined to remove the book from the children’s collection. (RC/CTV)
FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE
- Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Lexus than on a bicycle.
Forgive your enemy, but remember their name.
If you help someone when they’re in trouble, they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.
Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
An Airline introduced a special package for Business men: Buy your ticket, get your wife’s ticket free.
After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.
All of them gave the same reply…”What trip?”
A woman buys a new Sim Card. Puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her husband who is seated on the couch in the living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number: “Hello Darling.”
The husband responds in a low tone: “Let me call you back later Honey, my wife is in the kitchen.
“Don’t teach me how to handle my children, I’m living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement”
A lady to doctor: My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?
Dr: Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake.
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.
The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination (American SATs). These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds). Maybe.
Q. Name the four seasons A.. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. How is dew formed A.. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A.. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A.. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
Q… What happens to your body as you age A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A.. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A.. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination A… When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A.. Keep it in the cow
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen) A.. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U
Q. What is the fibula? A.. A small lie
Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean? A.. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control A.. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’ A.. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure? A.. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean? A.. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine? A.. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.
(I think I have used this one before . . . I sound like the person in the joke!!)
After leaving a shop I couldn’t find my car keys. They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car’s ignition. He’s afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: “I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.” There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. “Are you kidding me?” he barked, “I dropped you off!”
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”
He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your damn car!”
Rest in peace: BB King
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