YMUG Newsletter – 2016/09/10

YMUG Newsletter –  2016/09/10

Acting Secretaries:

Tony Crockford: support@ymug.org

Chris Brady: ymug@csjbrady.org.uk

with help from: Anzir Boodoo and Tim Pinder.  Thanks also to Ian Thomas, Martin Pickering and Brendan Rowland who send me items of interest.

Items for the newsletter . . . reviews, rants, raves, revelations and reflections to: Jerad Zimmermann, your participatory social mores editor: news@ymug.org

Join mactalk – YMUG’s official email list discussion group.

You’ll get approximately 5 or 6 emails a day and can have ‘instant’ discussions on Mac related issues. And other stuff, we’re flexible. We had a chat about vari-focal lenses this week.

To subscribe (FREE) to the group, send a blank email to: mactalk-join@ymug.org and then confirm membership when you receive an automated reply from the group,

If you have any difficulty, please contact Tony Crockford, he’s very nice. – support@ymug.org


Well, the meeting on the 13th went pretty well. Bob has given me a lot of material to go along with his talk and I’ve put it up ‘in the cloud’ (in this case on Google’s servers, linked to a Google mail account I set up for YMUG) including his presentation outline, iMovie, tutorial materials for iDVD and Audacity and lots of other stuff. Chris Brady typed up some notes during the meeting and I’ve included those as well. Have a look:


Let me know if you have any trouble with the link or the material.

Here’s a list of some topics that Steve or I can talk about for our next meeting:

iTunes (its uses and abuses),
Cloud based sync and backup services,
using text expansion (in-built and specialist apps),
Automator.(what it is and isn’t how to build an automation workflow/service/app),
a look at Preview and what you can do with it,
general productivity apps and approaches – to do lists, note taking, etc,
security basics (passwords & password management, touch ID, encryption incl. File Vault, ZIP passwords, document passwords, etc., being safe online, phishing, etc).

Let me know (news@ymug.org) if any of the topics are of particular interest. Or if there’s something else you’d like to learn about.

I figure the next meeting should be ‘up North’ so . . . Bedale okay with everyone? Sometime in December or January? I want to wait until the newest version of OS X/macOS and iOS 10 arrive.


To the surprise of no one Apple announced the imminent release of the iPhone 7 and 7 Plus both sans the usual headphone jack. But they are including an adaptor which will only cost £9 if you buy it separately.


Here’s a technical comparison of the iPhone 7 with the other available models.

Comparison: Here’s how the iPhone 7 compares to the rest of the iPhone lineup

And here’s a comparison of various UK mobile phone contracts for the iPhone 7.


If you get an iPhone 7 then you might also want to consider an Apple Lightning Dock, recommended by Phil Schiller who does work for Apple.


And Belkin is offering a ‘splitter’ which will let you listen to music (via non-Bluetooth ear buds) and charge your iPhone 7 at the same time.


Turns out the audio jack ‘had’ to go not only to give more room but to improve the iPhone 7s water resistance.


What I would like to try but really shouldn’t are the new £159 AirPods. It is my birthday in a couple of weeks . . .


Also there will be a ungraded Apple Watch out soon which you can wear while you’re swimming.


Sadly, there will be no more solid gold Apple Watches. I guess I’ll have to spend £13,000 on something else now.


But soon you WILL be able to play Pokemon Go Plus on an Apple Watch. And there was much rejoicing.


If you’d like a quick video recap of all the new and wonderful Apple things . . .



macOS Sierra will be available on September 20th. Here’s a brief list of supported hardware. I’ll post links to reviews after it’s available.


I’ve never been a big fan of Google Chrome, it tends to spawn lots of sub-processes and takes a lot of power and CPU resources. Google is working on that and the latest version is much more economical.

Double-digit speed & battery improvements to Google Chrome 53 see Mac use 33% less power

How to use (the amazing) Preview to resize photos.


A bit technical but it does show you how to change the default location for screenshots.



iOS 10 will be released to the public on September 13th. This article contains a list of which iOS devices will support it. It’s going to be a big update so I would recommend you update your devices via iTunes and a lot of cups of tea. I’ll be updating right away and will let you know how it goes.


WatchOS 3 will also be released on September 13th.


Oh dear, the new Chinese add campaigns for the iPhone 7 may be a bit naughty.



A lengthy article about the UK’s rural broadband voucher system (£350 for installing a satellite system) and some alternatives. If you get less than 2 megabits per second download speeds then you should read this.


I thought roaming charges were going to be removed for all of Europe. Turns out they will be for a maximum of 90 days a years. Still, that’s better than it was and enough for a good holiday or two.


If you’re in Northern Quebec and your Apple product goes kaput call Jamie Fendo-Cumbo. He fixes stuff. A lot of stuff.

This Guy Fixed 60 Apple Devices in 90 Days

Who needs science fiction? Apple might be helping to bring iOS support for augmented reality contact lenses.


Remember the exploding Galaxy Note 7 phones? They’ve been recalled but some people are holding onto theirs. The Federal Aviation Administration is telling folks to turn them off while on flights.


Ars Technica tells you how to distinguish potentially explosive Note 7s from safe ones.


IF you insist on playing Pokemon GO then you’d best avoid playing in Russian churches. My advice: don’t play at all.


This is odd: “Warner Bros ordered Google to remove several of its own webpages from search results on the grounds they infringed the media giant’s copyright.”


The general consensus is that we can detect only five different tastes: sweet, sour, etc. But, could it be that starchiness is a sixth flavour?

Starchiness: A Sixth Taste Discovered?

Very clever scientists are working on a fabric that might keep you cooler.


Remember how in the original Star Trek (which debuted 50 years ago this last week) the guys in the red shirts always got killed first? Well, you can now buy one of those red shirts which looked like they’ve been blasted.

WANT: Star Trek TOS Dead Red Sublimated T-Shirt

OR you can get a Star Trek themed dress.

Anovos and Gold Bubble Create New Geektastic Line of Star Trek Fashion Dresses

Not only yoga with goats but pictures of yoga with goats.


September 10th is the 254th day of this leap year and is also National TV Dinner Day in the, where else, USA.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to: Louis IV of France (b 920, d 954), Henry Purcell (b 1659, d 1695), Franz Werfel (b 1890, d 1945), film director Robert Wise (b 1914, d 2005), Beryl Cook (b 1926, d 2008), golfer Arnold Palmer (b 1929), actor Philip Baker Hall (b 1931), baseball player Roger Maris (b 1934, d 1985), author Jared Diamond (b 1937), biologist extraordinaire Stephen Jay Gould (b 1941, d 2002), conductor Christopher Hogwood (b 1941, d 2014), Jose Feliciano (b 1945), guitarist for Aerosmith Joe Perry (b 1950), actress Amy Irving (b 1953), actor Colin Firth (b 1960), director Guy Ritchie (b 1968).

Rest in peace these folks who died on September 10th: Mary Wollstonecraft (b 1759, d 1797), the infamous Huey Long (b 1893, d 1935), author Norah Lofts (b 1904, d 1983), musician Clarence ‘Gatemouth’ Brown (b 1924, d 2005), Anita Roddick (b 1942, d 2007), actress Jane Wyman (b 1917, d 2007), actor Richard Kiel (b 1939, d 2014).

Some notable events that took place on September 10th: The last battle between England and Scotland, the Battle of Pinkie Cleugh (1547), the US beats Britain at the Battle of Lake Erie (1813), Elias Howe is granted a patent for the sewing machine (1846), the submarine HMS Oxley is accidentally sunk by the HMS Triton (1939), German forces begin their occupation of Rome (1943), Gunsmoke premiers on CBS in the US (1955) and runs for 20 seasons, at the Summer Olympics Abebe Bikila becomes the first sub-Saharan African to win an Olympic gold medal winning the marathon in bare feet (1960), Gibraltar votes to remain a British dependency (1967), the US loses a controversial basketball game to the USSR at the summer Olympics (1972), Switzerland joins the United Nations (2002), the Large Hadron Collider is first powered up (2008).


“What would you do, if you were elected, about Aleppo?”
— Mike Barnicle to Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson, on “Morning Joe”

“And what is Aleppo?”
— Johnson, in response

“I just don’t think she has a presidential look, and you need a presidential look. You have to get the job done.”
— Donald Trump on Hillary Clinton

“He has the attention span and the knowledge base of a nine year old with ADHD. And I’m not saying that to be funny.”
— “The Art of the Deal” ghostwriter Tony Schwartz on Donald Trump

“In Trump We Trust: E Pluribus Awesome!”
— title of Ann Coulter’s new book

When a police officer went to Richard Shepard of Hartselle, Ala., to tell him his wife had hired an undercover officer to kill him, Shepard agreed to help fake photos of his death to convince his wife, Sarah, 27, that the deed was done. Then, of course, Sarah was arrested and held on $500,000 bail. Richard petitioned for a protection order for himself and his young children, who he considered to be “in extreme danger” due to the charges and Sarah’s history of abuse. Even after her arrest, Sarah was even “more adamant” with friends that she wanted her husband killed. But months later, Richard worked with Sarah’s attorney to get her bail reduced so she could get out of jail. He told Morgan County Circuit Judge Glenn Thompson that there “isn’t any way” Sarah could have plotted to kill him because she can “hardly put together a weekly grocery list.” (RC/WAFF Huntsville, Decatur Daily)

An 80-year-old woman lived on the streets of Washington, D.C., for roughly 16 years. In her bags, she claimed, she had proof that the government owed her upwards of $100,000. She would call Social Security and write letters. She would ask people who work with the homeless to help her get her money, but they would instead refer her for mental health services, she said. In better times, Wanda Witter, 80, had refused to cash checks the agency had sent her for figures she didn’t believe were accurate; once she was homeless and tried to get even wrong checks, the agency had given up on trying to send money to a woman with neither an address nor a bank account. Eventually, however, a social worker took on her case, and helped her get a lawyer. Now she’s gotten her first check for the amount she’s supposed to get — $1,464 — and her lawyer says she should get $99,999 soon, and perhaps more later. (AC/Washington Post)

An unnamed passenger on a WestJet flight decided he didn’t really want to go from Toronto, Ont., to Edmonton, Alta., Canada, and demanded to be let off as he headed for the door. A flight attendant stopped him “a few feet” from the door, and asked other passengers to help restrain him: the aircraft was than three hours into its flight. “We zip-tied him, and they brought him to the back of the plane where they held him for about a half hour or so until we landed,” said Steven Kelly, one of the passengers. Kelly had noticed the man: he had spent the entire time before the incident praying and “calling us ‘non-believers’,” he said, “and if there were any believers on board, to kill him.” (RC/CTV)

The phone rings  and the lady of the house  answers,


“Mrs.  Sanders, please.”


“Mrs.  Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes  Laboratory.  When your  husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a  biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as  well…  We are now  uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly,  either way the results are not too  good.”

“What do  you mean?” Mrs. Sanders asks  nervously.

“Well,  one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and  the other one tested positive for HIV. We can’t tell  which is which.”

“That’s  dreadful! Can you do the test again?” questioned  Mrs.Sanders.

“Normally  we can, but MEDICARE will only pay for these expensive  tests once.”

“Well,  what am I supposed to do now?”

“The  MEDICARE Helpdesk recommend that you drop your husband  off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds  his way home, don’t sleep with him

A blonde lady motorist  was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you  going to San Diego?”       

“Sure,”  answered the  blonde, “do you need a lift?”  

“Not for me.  I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck.  My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo.  They’re  a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day.  Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me?  I’ll give you $100 for your trouble”

“I’d be happy to,” said the blonde.  So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car and carefully strapped  into their seat belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!  There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the  amusement of a big crowd.  With a screech of  brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the  blonde.

“What are you doing  here?” he demanded, “I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!”

“Yes, I know you did,”  said the blonde. “But we had money left over so now we’re going to Sea World”.

God first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment.

“What’s a commandment?” they asked.

“Well, it’s like, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY,” replied God.

The Egyptians thought about it and then said, “No way, that would ruin our weekends.”

So then God went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment.

They also asked, “What’s a commandment?”

“Well,” said God, “It’s like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL.”

The Assyrians immediately replied, “No way. That would ruin our economy.”

So finally God went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment.

They asked, “How much?”

God said, “They’re free.”

The Jews said, “Great! We’ll take TEN!”

(I’m pretty sure I’ve use a variation of this joke before but it still makes me smile.)

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says,  ‘We only have one rule here in heaven:  Don’t step on the ducks!’

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.  It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.  St. Peter chains them together and says,  ‘Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!’ 

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing.  With him is another extremely ugly man.  He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, 

But one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on  ….. Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.  St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says to the man,  ‘I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?’

The guy says,  ‘I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck.

Moses was sitting in the Egyptian ghetto. Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn’t even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was about ready to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above: “You, Moses, heed me ! I have good news, and bad news.”

Moses was staggered.

The voice continued: “You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel from bondage. If Pharaoh refuses to release your bonds, I will smite Egypt with a rain of frogs. You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to the Promised Land. If Pharaoh blocks your way, I will smite Egypt with a plague of Locust. You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to freedom and safety. If Pharaoh’s army pursues you, I will part the waters of the Red Sea to open your path to the Promised Land.”

Moses was stunned. He stammered, “That’s…. that’s fantastic. I can’t believe it! — But what’s the bad news?”

“You, Moses, must write the Environmental Impact Statement.”

Two baseball pitchers promised each other. if one of them died first, he will come back as a ghost to tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.

So one of them dies and comes back as a ghost and says, ‘I have some good news and some bad news.’

Then the other person says, ‘Tell me.’

So he says, ‘The good news is there is baseball in heaven, but the bad news is that you are pitching tomorrow.’

Well school started up again so I’m going to be even more boring for a while. A bit of routine is good though. But I am going to miss the long sunny days. You will notice that most of the external news links are to Ars Technica or Mac Rumours. I find their reporting to be quite good and fairly ad free. I really hate directing you to sites that loaded with ads. Also, it helps speed up compiling the news letter if I monitor fewer sites.

YMUG Newsletter – 2016/09/03

YMUG Newsletter –  2016/09/03

Acting Secretaries:

Tony Crockford: support@ymug.org

Chris Brady: ymug@csjbrady.org.uk

with help from: Anzir Boodoo and Tim Pinder.  Thanks also to Ian Thomas, Martin Pickering and Brendan Rowland who send me items of interest.

Items for the newsletter . . . reviews, rants, raves, revelations and reflections to: Jerad Zimmermann, your participatory social mores editor: news@ymug.org

Join mactalk – YMUG’s official email list discussion group.

You’ll get approximately 5 or 6 emails a day and can have ‘instant’ discussions on Mac related issues. And other stuff, we’re flexible. We had a chat about vari-focal lenses this week.

To subscribe (FREE) to the group, send a blank email to: mactalk-join@ymug.org and then confirm membership when you receive an automated reply from the group,

If you have any difficulty, please contact Tony Crockford, he’s very nice. – support@ymug.org


Well, the meeting on the 13th went pretty well. Bob has given me a lot of material to go along with his talk and I’ve put it up ‘in the cloud’ (in this case on Google’s servers, linked to a Google mail account I set up for YMUG) including his presentation outline, iMovie, tutorial materials for iDVD and Audacity and lots of other stuff. Chris Brady typed up some notes during the meeting and I’ve included those as well. Have a look:


Let me know if you have any trouble with the link or the material.

Here’s a list of some topics that Steve or I can talk about for our next meeting:

iTunes (its uses and abuses),
Cloud based sync and backup services,
using text expansion (in-built and specialist apps),
Automator.(what it is and isn’t how to build an automation workflow/service/app),
a look at Preview and what you can do with it,
general productivity apps and approaches – to do lists, note taking, etc,
security basics (passwords & password management, touch ID, encryption incl. File Vault, ZIP passwords, document passwords, etc., being safe online, phishing, etc).

Let me know (news@ymug.org) if any of the topics are of particular interest. Or if there’s something else you’d like to learn about.

I figure the next meeting should be ‘up North’ so . . . Bedale okay with everyone? Sometime in December or January? I want to wait until the newest version of OS X/macOS and iOS 10 arrive.


You’ve probably already heard about the kerfuffle over Apple’s tax arrangement with Ireland. There are other big American high tech companies that also have ‘deals’ but people do like picking on Apple. One thing I don’t understand is why Apple is liable at all. If anyone broke the EU rules it’s Ireland. Surely, as far as Apple is concerned, they were dealing with a sovereign nation able to set its own tax rules. Here’s some news stories.

Could Apple help destroy the EU?

Apple Might Destroy the EU

Tim Cook says the EU ruling is rubbish.


Apple has also published a FAQ list for investors.


Wall Street isn’t that worried.


Not everyone, including some Apple fans, don’t see things Tim Cook’s way.



OS X 10.11 (El Capitan), 10.10 (Yosemite) and Safari got an import security update this week.


Save for later: all the options for booting up your Mac (things like Target Disc Mode and Safe Mode).


No doubt you’ve installed an app or two using some kind of installer you downloaded. Some of them come as .PKG files. There’s a nifty new bit of software called Suspicious Package that helps you figure out what’s actually in a .PKG file and where it’s going to install stuff. Suspicious Package is free.


If you’d like to help Apple develop new features for Safari then you should be using Safari Technology Preview. I do and I haven’t had a bit of problems with it. Besides, you don’t have to get rid of Safari, you can use both!


If you’d like to schedule when some emails are sent you might like Mail Butler. It does some other stuff too.


How to copy a screenshot directly to the clipboard and some other screenshot tips.

Quick Tip: Copy Mac Screenshots Directly to the Clipboard

Some ways of converting Word documents to PDFs, with and without MS Office.


If you’ve got a Windows partition on your Mac (as I do) then being able to work with Windows files could be important. You need something like Paragon NTFS.


OpenOffice may be in trouble. It doesn’t have enough people working on updates and security fixes.



Warning! Apple is having some kind of iPhone event on the 7th of September. Expect slow-downs on the internet for a few days afterwards.


And what new features many people expect the iPhone 7 to have.


The potential ’Touch Disease’ that can affect iPhone 6 and 6s’s hasn’t been addressed by Apple yet and iFixit is not going to let them forget the issue.

7 Days of Apple Silence and Touch Disease Isn’t Going Away

Apple is (finally) going to start culling apps from The App Store.

Apple is going to remove abandoned apps from the App Store

I probably already ‘knew’ this but . . . how to teach Maps and Siri where your home is.


Alto Mail is another alternative to Mail for your iOS device.

Alto Mail Review: The Ultimate iPhone Email Client

I use a tempered glass screen protector on my iPhone 6 which I got from eBay for about £1. If you’d like something even more robust then check out Zagg’s InvisibleShield Sapphire Defense.


Oh wow, there IS a point to having an Apple Watch: you can use it as a remote for Apple TV.

Your Watch is Your TV Remote with Apple Remote App


Since the 1st you are supposed to have a TV license to use the BBC’s iPlayer service. But, can the BBC enforce the new rule?


Samsung is recalling all its Galaxy Note 7 phones that were just introduced a couple of weeks ago. I have seen some pretty horrendous pictures of ones that have partially melted.


Jessica Alba is very pretty, some think she can act. Despite the fact that she hasn’t shown any talent for software development she is going to be one of the mentors on Apple’s Planet of the Apps programme.


Who were the ten worst Britons in history?


Robberies, assaults, thefts, driving incidents . . . sounds like a Friday night in Leeds but it’s also the kinds of things that happen when people play Pokemon GO.


America, home of the brave and, in some states, illegal selfies in the voting booth.


America, also the home of fish pet-sitting services who sue fish owners who leave them 1-star Yelp reviews.


Despite what Tim likes, some of us are starting to think about Christmas presents. Here’s a backpack that has a network of charging cables and pockets for various devices. You have to buy the charging battery separately.

MOS Pack Backpack Charges Multiple Devices with One Plug

Here’s another good idea for a present: a lost-and-found tracking device the size of a fat credit card.


How about a gold-plated Sony Walkman?


A wooden child’s rocker that looks like the original starship Enterprise?

WANT: Wooden Star Trek USS Enterprise Rocker

September 3rd is the 247th day of this leap year and is also Merchant Navy Day in the UK so hug a sailor if you can.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to: actor Alan Ladd (b 1913, d 1964 . . . He was young), novelist Alison Lurie (b 1926), Irene Papas (b 1926), American gangster Whitey Bulger (b 1929 . . . Wow, he’s still alive!), Sex Pistol Steve Jones (b 1955), Charlie Sheen (b 1965).

Rest in peace these folks who died on September 3rd: Oliver Cromwell (b 1599, d 1658), e e cummings (b 1894, d 1962), Vince Lombardi (b 1913, d 1970), Beryl Markham (b 1902, d 1986), Frank Capra (b 1897, d 1991), Jane Tomlinson (b 1964, d 2007), Sun Myung Moon (b 1920, d 2012),

Some notable events that took place on September 3rd: Richard I is crowned (1189), Richard Cromwell becomes Lord Protector of England (1658), the Royal Exchange burns down during the Great Fire of London (1666), the US and the Kingdom of Great Britain sign the Treaty of Paris ending the American War of Revolution (1783), Frederick Douglass escapes from slavery (1838), over 640 people die when the boats Princess Alice and Bywell Castle collide in the Thames (1878), France, the UK, Australia and New Zealand declare war on Germany (1939), the Allied invasion of Italy begins (1943), Anne Frank and her family are put on the train to Auschwitz (1944), Nino Farina becomes the first Formula One Drivers’ champion (1950), Swedish drivers switch from driving on the left to driving on the right overnight (1967).


“Here’s something that’s contrary to popular belief: I actually don’t like thinking. I think people think I like to think a lot. And I don’t. I do not like to think at all.”
— Kanye West

“She’s totally bigoted. There’s no question about that.”
— Donald Trump on Hillary Clinton

“He hasn’t changed his immigration position. He has changed the words he is saying.”
— Trump spokesperson Katrina Pierson

“We did discuss the wall, we didn’t discuss payment of the wall. That will be at a later date.”
— Donald Trump on his meeting with Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto

“At the beginning of the conversation with Donald Trump I made it clear that Mexico will not pay for the wall…I was clear and emphatic that Mexico will not pay for the wall.”
— Pena Nieto, responding to Trump’s account of their meeting

“If you’re running for president, you should not be allowed to use a teleprompter.”
— Donald Trump, August 2015

A man identified only by his surname “Li” was flying from Guangzhou Baiyun International Airport in China to Beijing. He had a little trouble when security screeners x-rayed a sack he picked up from Burger King. “There’s no turtle in there, just a hamburger,” Li told screeners. “There’s nothing special to see inside.” Naturally, they then wanted to see inside. Li had, they say, put his “beloved” pet turtle in the bun to smuggle it onto the flight with him. Li wasn’t charged with a crime, but wasn’t allowed to take the turtle on the plane, either; a friend agreed to take care of it. (RC/London Telegraph)

According to the Volusia County (Fla.) Sheriff’s Office, Regina Powell, 22, was “foolishly playing” with her uncle’s .40-caliber pistol in the garage while recording a video of herself using Snapchat. Powell had her finger on the trigger and it went off, shooting the cell phone she was using to record the video. The phone shattered, causing lacerations on her right thumb and index finger. Her aunt heard the gunshot and took Powell to the hospital. The aunt told deputies that she threw the gun out of the car as they drove. The gun has not been found. (MS/WKMG Orlando)

(Another one of those stories you hope is true but probably isn’t.)

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Family Member: ‘I am calling to tell you she died back in January.’

Citibank: ‘ The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.’

Family Member: ‘Maybe you should turn it over to collections.’

Citibank: ‘Since it is two months past due, it already has been.’

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?’

Citibank: ‘Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!’

Family Member: ‘Do you think God will be mad at her?’

Citibank:’Excuse me?’

Family Member:’Did you just get what I was telling you – the part about her being dead?’

Citibank: ‘Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.’

(Supervisor gets on the phone:)

Family Member: ‘I’m calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.’

Citibank: ‘ The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.’

Family Member: ‘You mean you want to collect from her estate?’

Citibank: (Stammer) ‘Are you her lawyer?’

Family Member: ‘No, I’m her great nephew.’ (Lawyer info was given)

Citibank:’Could you fax us a certificate of death?’

Family Member: ‘Sure.’ (Fax number was given)

(After they get the fax:)

Citibank:’Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.’

Family Member: ‘Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won’t care.’

Citibank:’Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.’

Family Member: ‘Would you like her new billing address?’

Citibank: ‘That might help….’

Family Member: ‘ Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.’

Citibank: ‘Sir, that’s a cemetery!’

Family Member: ‘And what do you do with dead people on your planet???’

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

It’s been scientifically proven that too many birthdays can kill you!

Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?

Why do you drive down a parkway but park in a driveway?

I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.

Why is everything delivered by a ship called cargo but if it’s delivered by a car it’s a shipment?

I moustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later. ”

When I die, I want my tombstone to be a WiFi hotspot……that way people will visit more often.

Why do they call it a hot water heater when you don’t have to heat hot water?

What happens when you get scared half to death twice?

A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He said, “Call for backup.”

(I wasn’t able to verify this but it’s delightful anyway.)

To commemorate her birthday , actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan ‘s Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was “My Favorite Things”
from the legendary movie “Sound Of Music”. Here are the lyrics she used:
Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Cadillac’s and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favourite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’,
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favourite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

At the National Art Gallery in Cardiff, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willy.

The curator of the gallery realised that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.

‘In fact’, he pointed out, ‘some serious critics believe that the pink willy also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society’.

After the curator left, a Welshman approached the couple and said, Would you like to know what the painting is really about?’

‘Why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?’, asked the couple.

‘Because I’m the bloke who painted the picture,’ he replied. ‘In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They’re just three Welsh coal miners and the guy in the middle went home for lunch.’

A husband and wife were in bed watching tv. The husband had the remote in hand switching back and forth between the porn and fishing channels. The wife got angry, grabbed the remote and kept it on the porn channel and said to hubby.. “Leave it on the porn channel you already know how to fish.”

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Ryan”

Passenger: “Who?”

Cabbie: “Ryan Jay Robinson. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Ryan Jay Robinson, every single time.”

Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Cabbie: “Not Ryan Jay Robinson. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”

Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.”

Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Ryan Jay Robinson, he could do everything right.”

Passenger: “Wow. Some guy then.”

Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Ryan, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Ryan Jay Robinson.”

Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Ryan. He died. I’m married to his widow.”

I guess summer is over. Sigh. Welcome to Yorkshire.

YMUG Newsletter – 2016/08/13

YMUG Newsletter –  2016/08/13

Acting Secretaries:

Tony Crockford: support@ymug.org

Chris Brady: ymug@csjbrady.org.uk

with help from: Anzir Boodoo and Tim Pinder.  Thanks also to Ian Thomas, Martin Pickering and Brendan Rowland who send me items of interest.

Items for the newsletter . . . reviews, rants, raves, revelations and reflections to: Jerad Zimmermann, your participatory social mores editor: news@ymug.org

Join mactalk – YMUG’s official email list discussion group.

You’ll get approximately 5 or 6 emails a day and can have ‘instant’ discussions on Mac related issues. And other stuff, we’re flexible. We had a chat about vari-focal lenses this week.

To subscribe (FREE) to the group, send a blank email to: mactalk-join@ymug.org and then confirm membership when you receive an automated reply from the group,

If you have any difficulty, please contact Tony Crockford especially about bricks and RAM . . . It came up in mactalk. – support@ymug.org


We’re going to have a video themed meeting in August in York. I’ve got Bob Rudd lined up to come and discuss various techniques and software you can use with OS X for creating and editing videos. And he will have some ‘goodies’ for you to take home if you bring along a 2Gb (or more) memory stick.

And the previous address I posted was incorrect. I got the wrong Red Lion. The ‘right’ one is actually in Upper Poppleton.

Date: August 13th, 2016
Time: 1:30pm
Venue: The Red Lion Pub, Boroughbridge Rd, Upper Poppleton YO26 6PR


Small donations towards the room hire gratefully accepted.


On mactalk we frequently make the point that if you want to view a website with Flash content but you don’t want to load in the system-wide Flash plug-in use the Chrome browser which has Flash built in. By the end of this calendar year however you will have to tell Chrome to activate its own Flash plug-in.


Watch out boys, there’s a new art app in town: ArtRage. And it’s not hideously expensive.


You’ve seen the ads: internet service providers saying their customers get ‘up to’ some speed which you are not even coming close to. Well, the Local Government Association is trying to do something about the misleading ads. I’m not sure they can do anything about the slow speeds.


Droplr is kind of like DropBox and iCloud except it focuses on groups of people wanting to share files. It’s been around a while. Anyway, they must be needing to scare up some money what with all the free services now available and are offering a lifetime account for $22. Which is ridiculously cheap.


It is such a slow week for news that I am going to include something about macOS Sierra (coming to a Mac near you this Autumn) which is pretty cool. When (or if) you update, you’ll be able to search your photos in Photos by objects and scenery.


Not that you’ll be able to buy it (let alone afford it) but Seagate is working on a 60 TB solid state drive.



How to delete documents and data stored by apps in iOS. Hint: delete the app and reload it. There’s some other ideas as well.


Normally I don’t bother you with rumours of stuff that hasn’t been released but, if you’re interested, here’s a compilation off all the stuff (we think) we know about the next iPhone due out soon.


Impress your grandkids, show them how to download videos from YouTube. They’ll be telling all their friends how cool you are.

Download & Save YouTube Videos to iPhone, How-To

Netflix has released an app (which complements its fast.com website) which will check your download speeds. I couldn’t actually find it in the UK app store so we may have to wait once again. Sigh.


A US security firm is offering big bucks to anyone who can find security flaws in iOS and other operating systems.


Mobile provider 3 is offering ‘same as home’ roaming charges across most of Europe IF you sign up for one of their perk programs. Which isn’t really a ‘normal’ cost then is it?



It’s been a slow week for OS X and iOS news so I’m including more than the usual weird, wonderful and why items.

Facebook v ad blockers. Maybe not of interest to you but this kind of battle is setting some precedence for much more to come in my opinion.


The first website went public 25 years ago. Remember the Mosaic browser?


A somewhat technical discussion of why allowing a ‘back door’ into an operating system has proved embarrassing to Microsoft.


Some official Olympic Games apps. I do like the cycling. Go Sir Wiggo!!


Last year over 35,000 computers used by the Met were still running Windows XP which even Microsoft has abandoned. And while we approve loyalty we might be a bit more encouraged if they didn’t still have about 27,000 computers severely behind the times despite a promise to update.


Oh dear. “A doctor’s surgery in Hertfordshire has been fined £40,000 by the UK’s privacy watchdog for giving out personal medical information in breach of data law.”


Those whacky Brits, you know who you are. One of you is cycling the length of Britain in his front room via a virtually reality headset and Google Street View. Actually . . . I might do that if I could.


You’ll have to read the article to get the full story but a couple in Kansas are continually identified as criminals by law enforcement agencies because of a GPS rounding error.


I don’t need a self-driving car, I’m sure of it. Unless I’m having a heart attack, then it could be very useful as a man in Missouri found out.


More Pokemon GO news . . . if you care. Many people don’t. There’s no shame in that. Not from me anyway.

The app now warns you not to play while you’re driving.


A very funny Dyson vacuum cleaner advertisement.


Hey world travellers, have I got the kit for you! A motorised luggage bag! That’s the good news. The bad news is it will cost more that your trip . . . unless you have an extra $1200 to burn.


I don’t want to cast aspersions on anyone’s private practices so I won’t condemn owners of sex toys but surely you’ve got to be pretty stupid to buy ones connected to the internet.


The question is: did the dolphin want the iPad or was it fed up with people looking at their screens instead of it?


Some good, inexpensive compact cameras.


If I were a woman I would so want this glow-in-the-dark constellations dress. Although my friends would probably point out how inaccurate it is. They’re like that. Precise and pedantic.

Glow In The Dark Constellation Dress

August 13th is the 226th day of this leap year (which means it’s an Olympic Games year and a US Presidential election year) and is also International Lefthanders Day.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to: Annie Oakley (b 1860, d 1926), John Logie Baird (b 1888, d 1946), Bert Lahr who played the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz (b 1895, d 1967), Alfred Hitchcock (b 1899, d 1980), Fidel Castro (b 1926), Bernard Manning (b 1930, d 2007), soprano Kathleen Battle (b 1948), one of my favourites Dan Fogelberg (b 1951, d 2007), the author Peter Wright (b 1953), Paul Greengrass who directed the new film Jason Bourne which my nephew and I saw on Thursday (b 1955), 16 times World Darts Champion Phil Taylor (b 1960), former CIA agent Valerie Plame (b 1963), Alan Shearer (b 1970).

Rest in peace these folks who died on August 13th: Eugene Delacroix (b 1798, d 1863), Florence Nightingale (b 1820, d 1910), HG Wells (b 1866, d 1946), mountaineer Alison Hargreaves who died during an attempt at K2 (b 1963, d 1995), baseball legend Mickey Mantle (b 1931, d 1995), American TV chef Julia Child (b 1912, d 2004), Helen Gurley Brown (b 1922, d 2012),

Some notable events that took place on August 13th: Hernan Cortez and his merry bunch of conquistadors bring down the Aztec empire (1521), the union of Brittany and France (1532), Cardinal Richelieu is appointed Prime Minister of France (1624), King Louis XVI is arrested by the French National Tribune (1792), BMW is established (1918), the film Bambi is released (1942), East Germany closes the border between East and West Berlin (1961), Peter Allen and Gwynne Evans are the last people executed in the UK (1964), members of the British National Front clash with protestors in Lewisham (1977), the animated show South Park debuts (1997).


You can’t make Donald Trump sound worse than he really is:

“ISIS is honoring President Obama. He is the founder of ISIS…And I would say the co-founder would be crooked Hillary Clinton.”
— Donald Trump

“I have one of the great temperaments.”
— Donald Trump

The local newspaper in Atlantic City, N.J., ran two obituaries for the same man, Leroy “Blast” Black, featuring the same photo, one printed right after the other. The two obits for Black, who lived in Egg Harbor Township and died from lung cancer at 55, weren’t the result of a mistake: they were simply from different perspectives. “The wife wanted it one way,” said a spokesman for the the Greenidge Funeral Home, which was handling the arrangements, “and the girlfriend wanted it another way.” The first obit says Black is survived by “his loving wife,” while the second says he’s survived by “his longtime girlfriend.” (RC/Easton Express-Times)

Cpl. Shelby Riggs-Hopkins of the Orlando, Fla., Police stopped Daniel Rushing for speeding and failing to come to a complete stop. He was exiting the parking lot of a 7-Eleven store the officer was staking out for drug activity, she recorded in her report. “I recognised through my eleven years of training and experience,” her report says, that the substance she saw on the floorboard when he got out of his Chevy was “some sort of narcotic.” Rushing, 64, consented to a search of the car, and Riggs-Hopkins and her colleagues found more of the substance. Rushing claimed it was glaze from donuts, but when roadside drug tests showed it was crystal meth, he was arrested. Weeks later, the Florida Department of Law Enforcement tested the substance, and shortly thereafter, the charges were dropped: the substance turned out to be glaze from donuts. Orlando police say they do not track the use of roadside drug tests. (AC/South Florida Sun-Sentinel, Miami Herald)

Alexander Bernstein of New York, N.Y., was pulled over by state troopers in Pennsylvania as he was headed to Florida to visit his sister. Police searched his rented car and found two bundles of a white, powdery substance. Five-plus pounds of cocaine, they said, and two field drug-testing kits confirmed that accusation. No, Bernstein insisted: it was homemade soap for his sister. The troopers arrested him on charges of intent to deliver cocaine, possession of cocaine, conspiracy, and possession of drug paraphernalia, and Bernstein was jailed on $500,000 bond. He couldn’t afford that bond, so he sat in jail for 29 days — and lost his job, his apartment, and all of the contents of his apartment. The substance was soap. Bernstein, 33, sued the state police and the maker of the drug kit. The Pennsylvania State Police paid $195,000 to settle the case; the settlement with Safariland Inc., the manufacturer, has not been revealed. (RC/Allentown Morning Call)

“This Message is for Dyslexic Athiests: There is a Dog!” read the sign in front of the Christ Gospel Tabernacle Church in St. Clair Shores, Mich. “I saw it and I couldn’t believe it,” complained passerby Latoya Bond, a local school administrator. “I was offended by it. People who have dyslexia, they have a disability. It’s very insensitive to put something like this in the public eye.” When she complained to the church, she says, they told her “Moses in the Bible had a disability. He had a speech impediment. The purpose is to display that God can use all people no matter what their disability is.” But Bond “didn’t buy it” and remains offended. “I’m not offended by atheists, I’m offended by the word dyslexia.” (RC/WJBK Detroit)

I still have a full deck, I just shuffle slower.

Spare a thought for my friend who was diagnosed as mentally unstable when she was really just a bit giddy.

Been there, done that, can’t remember.

I don’t know much about medicine but I know what I like.

The mayor of town was visiting a local old folk’s home. He said “Good morning!” to one of the residents who looked a bit puzzled. So the mayor asked “Do you know who I am?”

And the resident said: “No, but you should ask the Matron, I’m sure she could help.”

(Olympic jokes submitted by children)

A book never written: “The Olympic Trials” by Willy Qualify.

Fan: I see you won a silver medal at the Olympics. What’s it for?
Athlete: It’s for telling knock knock jokes.
Fan: And what’s that gold medal for?
Athlete: For stopping.

Jack: What’s the name of the fastest dinosaur at the Olympics?
Jill: I haven’t a clue. What?
Jack: Prontosaurus.

Tom Swiftie: “I like the Olympics!” Tom said gamely.

Seth: Why is basketball the messiest Olympic sport?
Will: I don’t know.
Seth: Because the players dribble all over the court!

Dan: Why does Cinderella never win the Olympics?
Stan: Why?
Dan: She has a pumpkin for a coach and runs away from the ball.

Daffynition: Olympiads — Commercials shown during the Summer and Winter Games.

A book never written: “Winter Olympic Sports” by Bob Sled.

Mike: Why is it so hot in a stadium after the Olympic games are over?
Andy: I don’t know.
Mike: Because all the fans have left!

Joe: What is a banana’s favourite gymnastics move?
Barbara: Beats me.
Joe: The splits!

A book never written: “How to Do Gymnastics” by Tom E. Tuck.

Tyler: How do fireflies start a race?
Ted: I don’t know. How?
Tyler: “On your mark. Get set. Glow!”

Zeke: Why were the swimming elephants thrown out of the Olympics?
Kyle: I haven’t a clue.
Zeke: Because they couldn’t keep their trunks up!

Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music?
Matthew: Why?
Peter: Because he broke the record!

Jeffrey: Knock, knock.
Joseph: Who’s there?
Jeffrey: Woo.
Joseph: Woo, who?
Jeffrey: What are you cheering for? We didn’t win a medal.

A book never written: “How to Win at the Olympics” by Vick Tori.

Devan: Why did the spotted cat get disqualified from the Olympics?
Evan: Why?
Devan: It was a cheetah.

Teacher: Johnny, please use the word “account” in a sentence.
Johnny: Yes, ma’am. “On account of three, we’ll start the race.”

Jake: What did the hot dog say when it won a gold medal?
Josh: What?
Jake: I’m a wiener!

Wyatt: Why can’t tomatoes win races against lettuce at the Summer Games?
Steven: Tell me.
Wyatt: Because the lettuce are always a head, and the tomatoes are always trying to ketchup!

Nathan: Why couldn’t the wolf run in the marathon?
Tim: I don’t know.
Nathan: He wasn’t a part of the human race!

Jack: Why couldn’t the bike finish the Olympic race?
Jon: Why?
Jack: It was two-tired.

A book never written: “The Marathon” by Will E. Makit.

Parker: What is the best part of an Olympic boxer’s joke?
Harper: Tell me.
Parker: The punch line.

A man came home from seeing the doctor and told his wife: “The doctor says I’m going to have to take a pill every day for the rest of my life.”

So the wife said: “That’s not so bad, lots of people our age need daily medication.”

And the husband replied: “I know, but the doctor only gave me four pills.”

(Probably a bit un-PC but . . . we’re all friends here . . . I hope)

My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog’s ears.

He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell her that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the pharmacy and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub it in the dog’s ears once a month.

She went to the store and bought some “Nair” hair remover.

At the register, the pharmacist told her, “If you’re going to use this under your arms, don’t use deodorant for a few days.”

She said, “I’m not using it under my arms.

The pharmacist said, “If you’re using it on your legs, don’t use body lotion for a couple of days.”

She replied, “I’m not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I’m using it on my Schnauzer.”

The pharmacist said, “Well, stay off your bicycle for at least a week.

Gotta ferry my son someplace and then go to the meeting. My nephew might come along. Not sure. Hope to see lots of you at the Red Lion in Upper Poppleton!!

Oh, and can I just have a bit of a rant about the low attendance at some of the Olympic events? I’ve seen some venues with shockingly low numbers of spectators. I don’t blame the people of Brazil, it’s not a rich country.

YMUG Newsletter – 2016/02/27

YMUG Newsletter –  2016/02/27

Acting Secretaries:

Tony Crockford: support@ymug.org

Chris Brady: ymug@csjbrady.org.uk

with help from: Anzir Boodoo and Tim Pinder.  Thanks also to Ian Thomas, Martin Pickering and Brendan Rowland who send me items of interest.

Items for the newsletter, reviews, rants, raves, revelations and reflections to: Jerad Zimmermann, your back-in-sandals news-hound: news@ymug.org

[Read more…]

YMUG Newsletter – 2016/02/20

YMUG Newsletter –  2016/02/20


Sometime this week I’m going to have a chat with my spouse and pick a day during the school two week Easter break for a YMUG meeting at Sprotborough. Some date NOT April 2nd. I haven’t had a chance to really consider things this week owing to my wife being away a lot. Anyway, plenty of time eh?

Oh, by the way, Robert Thomson (RHT@rht.at) says if anyone near Beverley would like help getting to the meeting let him know. I haven’t decided if I’ll be driving or training . . . riding the train. Travelling by train? Whatever.

[Read more…]

YMUG Newsletter – 2016/02/13

YMUG Newsletter –  2016/02/13


Pete Bell suggested Sprotborough as it’s a bit of a YMUG tradition. Is it okay with everyone if I check into that and look to set something up for . . . some weekend during the Easter break? I haven’t done any planning this week, I’ve been kind of busy. But I’ll start looking at dates. If anyone has a major conflict let me know! I’ve already ruled out April 2nd.

[Read more…]